Shippo and the Demon Sock & Other Parodies
by Inudaughter
Summary: One shot. A comical breather from my longer works.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimers: I don't own Inuyasha. No character death. It only seems that way.

Shippo and the Demon Sock

No one likes to do laundry. Lest of all Kagome Higurashi. Here she was, tromping around the Feudal Era battling countless demons and ever-deadly plottings of Naraku. Besides that, she was expected to complete all her junior high school work while never attending classes. All so she could make a decent secondary school. It didn't matter that she spent most her days trotting over mountains, swimming through rivers, and verily doing a trimarathon each and every day in order to keep up with her impatient, inhumanly active hanyou. Of course, that would be forgetting to mention the relational problems that plagued their group and were just as draining as any physical activity.

Yeah, it all reeked. Unfortunately, so did her laundry. And it was precisely at the times that they finally stopped and Kagome achingly staggered off to camp that she had a moment to do it. Kagome had put up with it at first. Then she had tried to wear her clothes for longer. But the green greasy gobs and splatters of blood which invariably fell on her soon dissuaded her from skimping. After all, didn't Inuyasha smell bad enough? So Kagome turned to the ultimate option. She went the store and bought many changes of the same school uniform. On the surface such a decision might have seemed a strange one to make. But then, Miroku and Sango only had one set of robes each which they wore for a season before throwing them away to get a new ones. As for Inuyasha, he had only worn one set of robes for his entire life. So attiring herself with the grandiose number of say, two different outfits in front of her friends would seem downright snobbish.

So it was that Kagome's yellow bag began to be a resting place for many unwashed changes of school uniforms. Some of Kagome's most tattered, soiled school garments conveniently disappeared into a plastic Rubbermaid container to be dealt with later. Or in her case, conveniently forgotten. As the months went by many of Kagome's school uniforms, not to mention an abundance of undergarments, went completely unlaundered. In time, the young miko came to realize that she did indeed have time to launder the said garments. Yet she could not bring herself to crack open the box of horrors that lay stewing at the bottom of her backpack. Little did Kagome know, that day after day her negligence was not only getting more odorous, but more malevolent as well.

Truthfully, the day Kagome's laundry turned truly dangerous occurred after a near death encounter with Naraku. If they thought about it long and hard Kagome and the others might have realized that the trap was, for Naraku, completely predictable. He had used a group of his saimyoushou to discover what direction they were going in. He quickly found the closest village to there and then went about annihilating and possessing the villagers so that when Inuyasha and Kagome arrived, they would rush in eagerly to save exactly whom had been sacrificed as bait to them. Indeed, as Naraku speculated it might have been better for mankind had they avoided any sort of village whatever. But Inuyasha's group were not the sharpest of blades, really. Determined yes. Powerful yes. But Naraku always loved to mock them for their stupidity which flowed from them in abundance. It had quickly become the most exhilarating portion of his life. After all, what fun was it simply stare at Kanna's impassive face day after day? Not while he could torment Inuyasha about Kikyo then watch the stupid hanyou wonder what had hit him.

So it was that when Inuyasha and the others wandered into some small village to buy food and find shelter, they discovered wreckage and carnage. They also found a giant monster threatening to eat people. So Inuyasha brought the monster down with one fell sweep of his Tetsusiaga. The possessed villagers proceeded to thank them then attempt to murder them all in their sleep. Unfortunately for Naraku, Inuyasha's group managed to catch on and escape just in the nick of time. The demons that poured out of the villagers' bodies went on a rampage and at this point in time, most importantly, the filthy debris of their innards rained down on everything including Kagome's backpack. Rummaging around in her emergency kit to bandage a bump Shippo had gotten, Kagome completely failed to notice as a piece of demon flesh wriggled and writhed into her backpack. Stealthily, like a fat garden slug seeking lush foliage, the demon entail opened the lid of Kagome's box of horrors and snuck inside. Noticing nothing, Kagome repacked her bag and the group moved onwards, in time, to other places and other adventures, never knowing the eminent danger Kagome's old laundry brought to them.

Inuyasha never had a chance. One moment he was rummaging through the backpack looking for Kagome's shampoo bottle. The next, the lid on the box had sprung open and he found himself choked by a horrifically smelling purple miasma. He fell, vacant-eyed while a small blur hurtled past his shoulder making a horrible gargling sound. It was almost like Naraku's laughter.

Across the campsite, Kagome stared wide-eyed at her resplendid hanyou whom had simply crumpled up and fell.

"Inuyasha?" She murmured.

As the miko bent over, a hand on his shoulder, she was suddenly attacked from behind. A hideous tortuous piece of cloth wrapped around her nostrils emanating an unholy smell. Her eyes dilated and she fell atop her hanyou. Miroku, Sango, Shippo, and Kilala all watched with an odd sort of horror as a purple glowing sock unwrapped itself from her mouth and floated eerily into the sky. The seams were glowing like red slitted eyes and the fabric doubled back on itself to form the suggestion of a mouth. Were those fangs it was displaying where only soft fabric had been before?

Shuddering and awe-inspired by the demon sock puppet from Hell, Sango hide behind her Hirikatose while Kilala roared. Miroku took up his battle stance and held up three of his sutras. Throwing them into the air he watched with disbelieve as they simply sizzled in the air as they headed toward the demon. With a gruff sound to suggest annoyance, Miroku unwrapped his wind tunnel to draw the demon sock in. Unfortunately for him, the demon sock only smiled. A cloud from smoke rose from its feral body and Miroku twitched with a tortured anguish. Sliding down on his knees, Miroku passed out cold.

"Miroku!" Sango cried out loud stunned and horrified by the monk's defeat. With a tumbling combination of wrath and fury, she attacked, slicing her sword at the sock as she remained shielded by Hiriakatose. The sword was stopped by a corrosive barrier. "What?" Sango shouted into her poison shielding mask before a cloud of black spewed out at her. With a sharp cry Sango found the poison wending around her unhindered so that when the black cloud lifted, she too was felled.

"Kilala," she managed to drag out before submitting to unconscious like Miroku. "Take Shippo and flee."

Shippo was terrified. His tail shook at a mile a minute as he found himself being caught up by the scruff by the two-tail. First, Inuyasha, then Kagome, now all his friends. Behind them already, the flying demon sock was making its pursuit. Its narrow red glowing eyes trained themselves on him so that Shippo knew, without a doubt there was no escape. He only hoped there was one.

Kilala flew quickly, faster and faster dodging through the trees in an effort to lose the demon sock but to no avail. Opening its mouth, the demon sock unleashed a fireball of acid fury, causing several of the trees to collapse right on top of Kilala. Freeing herself of her pinnings, Kilala stood before the frightened Shippo, guarding him. She gave out an angry growl to the foe that hovered before her. Yet it could not be dissuaded from attacking. Instead it sent a cloud of smoke towards the two-tail. Upon reaching Kilala's flaming feet, an explosion resounded in the forest and Shippo found himself looking upon an unconscious Kilala.

"Kilala," the child fox moaned a small tear leaking from his eye. "How dare you do that to Kilala? How dare you do that to my friends?" The demon sock only floated malevolently. It gave no reply.

Desperate, Shippo reached into his shirtfront and withdrew his magic top. The cloud of smoke that had felled Kilala still emanated from this demon so Shippo threw his top at it, lit by a wheel of foxfire. The tables turned as the hellish sock found itself within the concussion of a powerful blast. Shippo meanwhile began to run.

"I gotta keep it together. I gotta keep it together!" Shippo promised himself. His tiny pawprints beat through the forest as he scurried through grass taller than he was. One positive thing about Shippo was that he was clever and right now he had a plan.

Naturally, Shippo had detected the horrible stink this new demon was giving off even when it wasn't attacking him. So his mind fell upon the one, natural solution. To find a weapon capable of fighting such a smell. Shippo knew of only place to find such a thing so he ran back to the campsite to Kagome's bag. His tears leaked out anew as he gazed at Inuyasha and Kagome whom were almost kinda hunched over together at the end in a lover's embrace.

"I will avenge you," said Shippo tearfully.

Tearing through Kagome's bag, he found an assortment of bleach, perfume, and heady soaps. Tucking these things into his vest, Shippo bent down and tugged free the bottle of shampoo that Inuyasha still held clenched in his fingers. In a respectful action the kitsune kneeled and closed the eyelids of his vacant eyes.

"I will come back, I promise," uttered Shippo the brave demon warrior. Shouldering his bottle of extra-strength strawberry scented shampoo, he marched bravely out in the forest to face his demon tormentor. As the bushes rattled Shippo decided he really wasn't so brave at all.

"Ah!" wailed Shippo in an outright panic as a speedy sock shot at him, barely missing him by inches as he turned in the air. Throwing down the bottle of shampoo, Shippo reached into his pocket and began to pump the air full of heady perfume. It had become a battle of auras against auras.

The demon sock screamed in agony as the scent of sweet floral reached its putrid fabric. Taking the chance to triumph, Shippo dared forward with a small bottle of bleach Kagome always put in questionable well water to avoid getting diseases. The demon sock dodged, weaving back and forth like a sinuous snake as Shippo endeavored to squirt bleach upon it. Alas, all the ammo missed its target and Shippo landed on the ground, his feet splayed and his dispenser of death emptied. Throwing the empty bottle over his shoulder, Shippo began to run again, chucking bath beads at demon as if they were Sango's poison powder pellets.

Shippo ran, uncertain of where he was or where he should go. A blind terror filled him as he realized that here was an enemy he could not defeat and no one to save him. The only thing he could do now was flee his eminent death as his mind attempted to sort itself.

Sesshomaru was walking around in a bamboo forest. Like usual, there was nothing really to do. No television. No music. No video games in stereo. Not that he knew about any of these things. But one thing he knew for certain was that he was bored. So he was moderately pleased when a minor distraction came to break his tedium.

A sound of utmost terror sounded within the bamboo grove. Two seconds later, the living powderpuff that traveled with Inuyasha and his human wench came blazing across the forest. Interesting. Almost.

What was more to Sesshomaru's fascination was the living powderpuff's opponent. In all his years Sesshomaru had never seen such a ridiculous creature, a living sock that reeked with an ungodly horror. Sesshomaru watched idly as the fight between laundry and cosmetics ensued. Shippo darted about the grove wildly; dodging the many acid attacks from the demon. It left the once pristine grove in ruins. Sesshomaru had to admit the power from that thing was incredible. Practically nothing can kill bamboo.

Running forwards in terror, Shippo found himself at the edge of a precipice. Normally he might have been worried yet now it seemed his only hope. For what is that carves steep cliffs like this? Water. Leaping downwards just in the nick of time, Shippo fell. As he fell, he threw out one of bars of soap and as if in slow motion the demon sock fell, plunging into the waters with him. Shippo found himself floating on the top of a hot water spring. Rancid yet foamy water surrounded him the demon sock dissolved, succumbed to the powers of water and soap. Losing consciousness, Shippo watched as the corners of his brain obscure as he lost vision. "My friends, I have avenged you," the little kitsune blurted out before falling unconscious and sinking into the depths of the spring.

Not too long after, Shippo woke. He had been moved to a little fireside and there were all his friends looking back at him.

"Am I in... Heaven?" asked Shippo rubbing his eyes.

"No you idiot," said Inuyasha as rudely as ever. "We had to drag you out of that spring. Good thing we came along when we did or you would have drowned." Shippo sat up and pushed the cover he was under back.

"You mean you didn't die? I saw you all unconscious."

"Yeah well," said Inuyasha suddenly looking flustered. "I couldn't help it. That was the most disgusting thing I've ever smelled." Kagome giggled and picked Shippo up from under his arms.

"You did a very good Shippo," said Kagome cuddling him.

"Yes, you saved us all from that demon," Sango stated.

"Keh," Inuyasha muttered. "Yeah, well come off it. There are more important things we should be doing."

"Like what?" said Kagome. Everyone stared at her numbly.

A few minutes later found everyone gathered round a large funeral pyre. It was higher than they were tall and made of really large branches and trees that Inuyasha and Sango had hacked down and piled with swift proficiency. Kagome leant down and lit the fire using matches and her old math homework since she was doing so poorly in it anyway. Then they all watched the flames flicker up to lap brilliantly against the bright sky. It purged Kagome's box of horrors away.

At last the fire dwindled and they could move onwards. Yet as they began to travel onwards, at last certain that Kagome's old laundry was gone, Inuyasha stopped to make one unusually justifiable comment.

"Next time Kagome, make sure you do your laundry, okay?"

Everyone had to nod his or her head in agreement.


	2. Chapter 2

One of my pet peeves are fanfics which exist purely to make Kikyo into a villian trying to steal Inuyasha when actually, she gave him up after her first failed attempt since he unintentionally favored Kagome. This fanfic is a parody of all the scheming Kikyo plots which, when I read them, always make me envision Kikyo hiding behind a tree. They also make me laugh in that they mostly serve to get our main characters breeding. This is one of the worst fanfics you may ever have the mischance of reading.

* * *

Kikyo's Plan to Steal Inuyasha

One day, Kikyo was hiding behind a tree watching Inuyasha and the others eating. She suddenly came up with a rather clever and ingenious plot that she knew, instanteously, could never fail to bring her the hanyou she desired. So that night, when Kagome and the others fell asleep, she used her shinigami serphants to steal all of Kagome's ramen. With a wicked chortle, she snuck away.

The next morning found Inu-tachi in a state of panic. When Inuyasha awoke and there was no ramen for breakfast, he promptly roared and nearly tore out his hair.

"NO RAMEN!" he cried." Shippo meanwhile ran into tree since he so worried that the hungry hanyou might eat him instead as he had always threatened. Looking at Shippo, Miroku and Sango thought the same thing so they quietly snuck away.

"Calm down, Inuyasha. It's not the end of everything." Kagome tried to soothe the stricken hanyou but to no affect. He only curled up on the ground and growled.

"This had gotta be that bastard Sesshomaru's fault! He is always trying to take what I want!"

"Oh, come on, Inuyasha, I'm sure that can't be true. Why don't we go back to my world and we can buy all the ramen you want."

"Really?" The hanyou sniffed.

"Really."

So the two happy lovebirds walked all the way back to Kaede's Village and to their horror they found the well had been boarded up and a barrier placed around it.

"Oh no!" Inuyasha wailed. "This is so terrible!"

"Who would do such a terrible thing?" Kagome said sniffling and the two mourned together each for their selfish reasons.

"We'll have to live together in the woods from now on," Kagome sniffed. "Eating herbs and bugs and sticks."

"No more ramen!" Inuyasha wailed. "Nothing but boar's meat till the day that I die!"

"It won't be that bad Inuyasha. If we work together, maybe we could start a koi farm."

"You think?" Inuyasha sniffed. "Well it's better than nothing."

So, since Miroku, Sango, Shippo, and Kilala had vanished elsewhere and finding Naraku was the least of their worries, Inuyasha and Kagome cleared out several acres on the nearby mountaintop. Here, they dug a deep pond to keep koi fish in. Then they planted a garden full of vegetables and made a smokehouse to make dried fish and venison. Then they got married and got to work making lots of babies to help them with their farm. Kikyo was livid.

"Drat!" she said. "My marvelously evil plan has backfired! I must away to my arch-enemy Naraku, to ally with him against our greater enemy, Inuyasha!" So saying, Kikyo slipped away into the dead of the midday since it wasn't evening yet.

Naraku was taking a bath at Kikyo's arrival. He slipped on a bar of soap and Kikyo overheard him calling it the most evil weapon he had ever come across. So Kikyo borrowed the piece of soap and laid in front the Inuyasha's doorway, hoping that he would slip on it and fall into a Team Rocket style pit-fall trap which bottomed out in Hell. But she forgot where the covering was and fell through it instead. Her shinigami went into retirement.

Epilogue: No one ever saw Kikyo again. After his bath Naraku felt so clean that he decided to give up his wrongdoings and become a spiritualist. Kagome and Inuyasha continued to live one merrily and founded an entire village by themselves. As for their friends, Miroku, Sango, Kilala, and Shippo became internationally famous ramen chiefs. They eventually recounseled with Inuyasha and Kagome and went on to start a chain of five-star restaurants all across Japan. The end.


End file.
